Written By Sherwood Kohn

Nobody but the department stores and various purveyors of greeting cards, gadgets and cheap cologne seems to take Father’s Day seriously, and least of all fathers themselves.

Sure, everybody gets all gooey and flowery about Mother’s Day, but what do you give Dear Old Dad on June 19?

Here at Carroll Magazine, we thought long and hard about how to celebrate the day, and nobody could come up with anything but a kind of lame joke.

In fact, somebody on the staff came up with the idea of doing a pseudo poll among the Ravens football players, asking them to tell us what the oddest, worst, dumbest, or most wonderful Father’s Day gift was that they ever received. We thought that might be appropriate since the Ravens are scheduled to come to Westminster in August to practice at McDaniel College, and at that time the whole town seems to turn into a Ravens practice camp. And how much more macho can you get than quoting Brian Billick on his Father’s Day thoughts?

Accordingly, we called up Ravens headquarters. We couldn’t get them to take our little idea seriously. Okay, it wasn’t a serious idea, but we figured the silliness would make up for the second-rate flavor surrounding Father’s Day.

So we went with Plan B. We queried a few local patriarchs. None of them could even come up with an answer to our question, much less remember what they got last Father’s Day.

That brings us to Plan C, which was for me to sit down and bellyache about how neglected fathers are on Father’s Day. Of course, like most dads around, I refused to do that, knowing full well that we really are appreciated, and that we would curl up in embarrassment if somebody made a fuss over us on June 19. So what the heck, fellow fathers, just open a beer and be grateful that your wives and children are letting you drink it in peace.