Christine Stoehr, center, and her kids, left to right, Christa, Michael, Jenna, Randy and Jessica (Photography by Tara Hope Cofiell)
Written By Jeffrey Roth
Anna Jarvis, of Philadelphia, created Mother’s Day in 1907 to honor her mother, but came to regard the commercialized observance as a “Hallmark holiday.”
In a parallel phenomenon, the cinematic, electronic, media-dominated culture of 20th century consumerism creates, crafts and controls the flow of images into the American household. From the early days of television to the digital world of today, the symbol of motherhood has evolved at a greater rate than at any other time in the last 30,000 years.
Deborah Clark Vance, associate professor and department chair of communication at McDaniel College, holds a Ph.D. in intercultural communication from Howard University. During the late Ô80s and early Ô90s, she worked for Maryland Public Television.
From the dawn of television in the 1950s, images of various “types” of mothers were broadcast into the nation’s living rooms. According to Vance, Margaret Anderson of “Father Knows Best,” June Cleaver of “Leave it to Beaver,” and Harriet Nelson of “Ozzie and Harriet” were models for middle American moms. They all had a sense of fashion, were the anchor of their families, and were active in church and community.
“There are still some motherly types, like Nora Walker and her daughter, Sarah, on “Brothers and Sisters,” Vance said. “They are motherly, they are grounded, they dispense wisdom to their children and they are individuals.”
The new TV moms would not have pleased “Leave it to Beaver’s” Ward Cleaver. Vance said the character Gabrielle of “Desperate Housewives,” represents the “sexy, self-absorbed mom.” Gabrielle is a semi-abusive mother, while her friend, Susan, is a “totally oblivious” mother.
“Then there are some [on the show] that I would call witchy,” Vance said. “Bree, who tries to be a perfect mother, is abusive by having unrealistic expectations of her children and estranges them.
Lois Henrickson, who lives in the polygamist compound on the show “Big Love,” tries to kill people. They are so two-dimensional that they are like witches on a Disney Movie.”
Vance said Rita, who is married to a serial killer on Showtime’s “Dexter,” tries to be a good mother, teaches the kids values and often makes sense, but her judgment, as far as her relationships, is seriously flawed.
Lynette of “Desperate Housewives,” is a working mom who struggles and makes mistakes. Vance said the character depicted by Lynette is one of the most common types of today’s TV mothers. In advertising and sitcoms, kids are always outsmarting their moms, Vance said. Parents are depicted as dumb; the fathers more so than the mothers.
“The reality of the Ô50s romanticized, ideal mom was an impossible role model to live up to,” Vance said. “A commentary on Ô50s motherhood would be Betty Draper from ÔMad Men.’ She is cut from the same cloth as June Cleaver, always well-dressed and proper É but as a mother, she makes some very odd choices. In one episode, one of her children has a plastic bag over his head. Rather than being concerned about the safety of the child, she is concerned that the clothes that were wrapped in the plastic will get wrinkled.”
The “supermom” character of the Ô80s has faded from the spotlight,Vance said. “The belief system is consumerist. It doesn’t matter what race they are É Clair Huxtable is not much different from Hope on ÔThirty Something.’ They are generally middle class, except for Roseanne, or Marge Simpson, who represent blue-collar families.”
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~ Peter De Vries
Nancy Gregg is the director of the Child Development Center and Early Childhood Lab at Carroll Community College. A graduate of Towson University, Gregg holds an M.A. in early childhood education from McDaniel. An experienced teacher, her first teaching assignment was as a kindergarten teacher in Baltimore City as part of a housing project. She also worked as a director with the Westminster YMCA Chipmunk program.
“When I think of the word Ômother,’ I naturally go to my mother, who is 85, and my grandmother, both of whom were very nurturing,” said Gregg, who is the mother of three daughters, and grandmother of six.
“My generation is actually caught in the concept of the old time mother at home.”
Gregg said there are still a percentage of stay-at-home moms. There are also mothers who are re-educating themselves, either changing careers or planning for one.
“I really stress the importance of a child’s life from birth to age 8,” Gregg said. “It is a critical period of early childhood É so much happens during that period of time.”
Gregg asked some of the 5-year-old girls at the center what it meant to be a mother. As part of the exercise, they made a poster about motherhood. Here are some of their responses:
“Mommies take care of babies. They make up stories. They teach children how to grow up.”
“Mommies make yummy food. They clean up crumbs and vacuum. They clean clothes.”
“Mommies cook the food and feed the babies and change diapers, which is nasty.”
“Mommies love people. You grow up. You go to college to be a Mommy.”
“You have to marry a boy.”
Of all the haunting moments of motherhood, few rank with hearing your own words come out of your daughter’s mouth. ~ Victoria Secunda
Rhonda Atha, who owns Green Dog Spa in Westminster and works as a dog groomer, is the mother of three grown children.
“My mom was a very nurturing person, and that is what I tried to do,” said Atha. “Back in the [Leave it to] Beaver days, moms did a lot of things at home, but now they take care of things outside of the home as well.”
Atha said she recognizes parts of her self in each of her children. Her children ask for advice and “sometimes they got it when they didn’t ask.
“When my children were younger, I only worked part-time.” “Moms today have a lot more pressure on them than we did.”
Christine Stoehr of Westminster is the mother of three daughters and two sons, ages 10 to 19. She is a stay-at-home mom. As her children have grown, her maternal duties have changed.
“I volunteer at schools and go on field trips,” said Stoehr. “When I was growing up, my mom was a stay-at-home.”
Stoehr, whose husband, Gregg, owns and operates a contracting business out of Eldersburg, said that today’s mother has many competing interests vying for a finite amount of time.
“It is harder for the moms who have to work because the schools are more demanding É Ôplease come in for this, please volunteer for this, please help with this,’” Stoehr said. “The most important thing is to be there for the children É a dance recital, a play, a game. Children today are involved in so many things, maybe too many things. I tell them you don’t have to always be the best, just try to do your best.”
Stoehr said the school for her older children is one hour away and the school for the younger ones is located a half-hour away. She said she is constantly driving.
“I tell my children to communicate and be honest,” Stoehr said. “Oh my gosh, yes, I was scared with the first. Nobody knows what they are doing at first. I had my mother and my mother-in-law, who recently passed away, to help.”
