Exploring the Evolution of Love

The Different Ages and Stages of Love

by Lois Szymanski

Exploring the Evolution of Love

For children, Valentine’s Day means classroom cards and heart-shaped candy. As couples age, this day of love becomes something more. Relationships evolve and change over time and through different life phases. Some couples learn how to adapt ​​— they stick together, even as life interrupts,
finding new ways to solve old issues while growing friendships through it all. Here’s how five couples handle things at different ages and stages.

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Gavin Gifford and Olivia Sprinkle

Under Age 20:

Both 18-year-olds, Westminster resident Gavin Gifford and Hampstead resident Olivia Sprinkle have been together for a year and a half. They first knew each other through mutual friends, but two weeks after they met up in Ocean City on the Fourth of July, they went on their first date.

What are your favorite things to do together?

Gavin Recently, we have liked watching the sunset and stargazing. We watch a lot of movies and go on a lot of ice cream dates.

Olivia We do our homework together after school most days and spend a lot of time together with families and friends. We also love to go to church together as often as we can. Every now and then, we like to drive around and listen to music. Sometimes, we stay busy; other times, we sit around and enjoy one another’s company.

Do you have regular date nights? What types of dates do you go out on?

Gavin I try to take Liv on a nice date once a month. We also enjoy planning little dates like four-wheeler rides and ice cream at Hoffman’s Home Made Ice Cream.

Olivia It is hard to plan and pay for nice dates when you are teenagers. We’ve found our little ways to stay connected despite our busy schedules without needing to spend a lot of money.

How do you handle disagreements?

Gavin By trying to talk through them. I want to know Liv’s situation and why she is feeling the way she is. I explain my side so she can understand. We have so much love for one another and know that we are always on the same side. Nothing could ever change how much we care for each other.

Olivia I tend to be pretty emotional and need space when we have disagreements. I like time to gather my thoughts so we can talk about whatever disagreement we are having. Gavin is very patient with me and always gives me time to think through how I’m feeling.

Can you give an example of a disagreement and how you eventually resolved it?

Gavin Liv and I were really stressed with a lot going on in our lives. We took a break from seeing each other, and it made us want to fight for each other. We talked a lot about it and things we need to work on together and individually. We both understand we are young; this is our first real relationship. But we still work on these things because we want it to work out. My love for Liv grows every time I see her, no matter what.

Olivia Our last significant argument was rooted in the fact that we were both overwhelmed with our own lives and the responsibilities that come with being seniors in high school. We were having a hard time prioritizing each other. It took some space for us to realize how much we care about one another, and it allowed us to take time to figure out and communicate how we were feeling. We have grown a lot from it.

In what ways would you say your relationship has evolved, and in what ways do you want to see it continue to evolve?

Gavin We have grown to show more feelings as we’ve gone deeper into our relationship. It is a good thing to let your partner know how you are feeling, and it is always good to have someone you know will have your back and be there for you.

Olivia Gavin is my boyfriend, but he is also my best friend. I find something new to love about him every day. We are just two kids who have never been in serious relationships before, so even though it can be challenging at times, we work together to figure it out. Over time, we have gained a better understanding of one another and continue to grow closer and stronger together every day. As we approach the next chapter of our lives, I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for us.

 

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Jon and Megan Knehans

Age 20-30:

Union Mills residents Jon, 27, and Megan, 25, have been together for almost eight years. They met in their teens when they were lifeguards on the naval base where their parents were stationed. Friends at first, their relationship grew into love. On their first date, Jon asked Megan to see the movie “Finding Dory.” They lived together first and then married. In 2023, they had their first child, a son.

What were your favorite things to do together?

Megan We first went to a lot of movies or went out of town to mini golfing or amusement parks. We still like to do outdoor things, like the ropes course in Frederick, mini golfing or obstacle courses with the dogs.

Do you do regular date nights, and if yes, what types of dates do you go out on?

Megan Before the baby, we would go out once a week to dinner and a movie or bowling. Now, with the baby, we watch movies at home or eat dinner together.

Jon And sometimes we go to visit with friends.

How do you handle disagreements?

Megan We have never really had a fight, per se. Whenever things could turn into a fight, we always make it a point to talk about it immediately.

Jon We are very direct, especially when something is a problem or could become a problem. We try to put ourselves into each other’s shoes and think about how what we say or do could make the other person feel.

Can you give an example of a disagreement and how you eventually resolved it?

Megan The closest we ever got to an argument was over finances. I am admittedly not very good with money. I’ve learned it is easier to let Jon be the financial person.

Jon We discussed what we could or could not spend on things.

In what ways would you say your relationship has evolved, and in what ways do you want to see it continue to evolve?

Megan We have lived together for so long that we have easily been able to handle things, so it’s not like we had to mature in the relationship. But we had to learn to co-exist and work together. We have been successful because we were such good friends first. You have to like a person before you love them.

Jon We’ve learned to know each other’s limits and what we should or should not do. Communication is a big thing for us. We know that emotions should not cloud our discussion. What we did (living together first) was unconventional, but if you can’t balance a healthy home, you need to figure out how to do that before you live together.

Megan He has had to remind me of that sometimes.

 

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Alan and Megan Stevens

Age 40s:

Alan and Megan grew up in Carroll County and now live just over the Mason-Dixon line in Hanover, Pennsylvania. They met in fourth grade but didn’t start dating until they were seniors in high school 25 years ago. Their first date was for Chinese food. Both are now age 42 and have been married for 20 years. They have four children, ages 10 to 16.

What are your favorite things to do together?

Megan We enjoy board games, day trips and going out to eat.

Alan Going on walks, reading books and watching movies.

Do you do regular date nights, and what types of dates do you go out on?

Alan Our favorite date night is going out for sushi and to thrift stores to look for used books.

How do you handle disagreements?

Megan Generally, we have very few disagreements. We tend to talk about issues a lot together. When we do disagree, we share our thoughts. Since we are both firstborns, we tend to make a list or a plan to resolve the issue.

Can you give an example of a disagreement and how you eventually resolved it?

Alan Early in our marriage, we used to argue about money. Megan was primarily in charge of the budget, but she is also the spender. We decided that I would manage the money, and now we have monthly budget discussions to make sure we are on track and not overspending.

In what ways would you say your relationship has evolved, and in what ways do you want to see it continue to evolve?

Megan We have developed a deep friendship over the years by praying together and for each other.

Alan Megan is my best friend, and as our family has grown, we have worked together to stay close and build relationships with our children. We are moving into our oldest children heading off to college and working on staying close to each other as our family evolves into the next phase of life.

 

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Alysse and Kevin Resh

Age 50s:

Hampstead residents Alysse and Kevin Resh are 56 and 57, respectively. Kevin was working as a dentist in his family practice more than 28 years ago when he met Alysse, a sales representative for dental products. He was immediately attracted to her. After seeing her again at a dental conference, he asked her out. Kevin brought a thermos of hot chocolate for that first date — a hike in the snow at Patapsco Valley State Park ending with Scrabble and Subway subs at her townhouse. They talked for hours. They’ve been married for 27 years and have four children, ages 15 to 25.

What are your favorite things to do together?

Alysse We still love to hike, do family walks and go biking. We like coffee shops and playing games, and we love food. We still play games, too, and we like to try new games. (Rummikub) has become a thing that, when the kids are all home, we are often on the floor playing this game, and that’s when good conversation comes out.

Kevin We love to get up on a Saturday or Sunday morning, have our first cup of coffee and just be near each other, even if that means we’re reading independently. We have quiet time in the morning, and we both love that.

Do you do regular date nights, and what types of dates do you go out on?

Alysse We are not consistent. We still like to take walks or hike, grab our bikes or go kayaking sometimes. We have two kids in the house, which keeps us very busy and active.

Kevin We have lots of dinners and walks.

How do you handle disagreements?

Kevin There is some tension because I’m a spontaneous person who likes to get up and do what we like without a calendar, but we are not in that place with the kids. We don’t have a lot of disagreements.

Alysse We like different things, and sometimes that is conflicting — (mainly) disagreements when we are not listening to one another. That’s when we have to slow down and sort through things while trying hard to honor each other.

Can you give an example of a disagreement and how you eventually resolved it?

Kevin One disagreement we had goes back to that adventurous spirit she said she fell for. I really wanted to participate in the National Ski Patrol at Liberty Mountain. It is an intense candidate year, and it demands too much time.

Alysse My conflict is that we still have kids at home, and I think it’s important to invest in and be available for the family. Looking at the requirements of him being away on a weekly basis, we decided to table it and revisit it when the next season came around.

Kevin We talked about how the training year would be demanding and require family sacrifice and discussed how the investment of this time would be rewarding over the next 15 years.

Alysse I am a fan of the Imago Dialogue technique that we have been using. The process starts with appreciation of each other and getting centered, often with prayer. His job was to listen to how I was feeling and mirror what I shared so that I knew he was getting what I was saying. We realize that, while listening, we were getting offended and defending our position instead of actually hearing each other. Once you know you have been heard, it releases that feeling of offense. It diffuses the anger. I think it is life-changing.

In what ways would you say your relationship has evolved, and in what ways do you want to see it continue to evolve?

Alysse We have learned to respect each other’s differences. Our communication is better, and when prayer entered our lives, it made a huge difference.

 

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Terri and Doug Jackson

Over Age 60:

Doug and Terri Jackson of Mount Airy have been together for 44 years and married for 42. She is 62, and he is 64. When she was 17, she had the lead in a one-act play at Glen Burnie High School. They met when the teacher brought Doug in to handle lighting, sound and set construction. The pair hit it off. Their first date was to see “Superman” at the movies. By ages 19 and 21, they were married. The pair have a son — 36-year-old Ryan. Their younger son, Justin, died in a tragic accident at age 25. The couple also has three grandchildren.

What are your favorite things to do together?

Terri We were busy with kids and careers in those first years but have always enjoyed theater and music. He plays guitar, bass and anything you put in his hands. Volunteering has always been big for us. We both like to take photos, and Doug is into videography. We pack up the dogs and gear every year to take photos of the Tidal Basin cherry blossoms in Washington, D.C. We go for the Kwanzan cherry blossoms at Hains Point on the Potomac River, too. Our lives are about our dogs and our three grandchildren. We have created a pollinator yard for bees and butterflies, mostly Monarchs. We have two or three big habitats in the house for the caterpillars. Our grandchildren have learned to handle the caterpillars and are so gentle.

Doug There is great joy in sharing life with the “grands” — from sharing the wildlife we have encouraged in the pollinator garden in the backyard to drawing pictures with markers on a big sheet of paper on the table. We also enjoy going on long walks and hiking with our dogs.

Do you do regular date nights, and what types of dates do you go out on?

Terri No, but we love to walk and hike. We have been exploring the C&O (Chesapeake & Ohio) Canal. We do best when we are outside.

Doug Our “dates” sometimes consist of packing up the dogs and heading to downtown Frederick for a Sunday morning walk. Other times, we may go out on a “date” to Wegmans to do the grocery shopping or one of the local farmers markets. You can make a “date” out of almost anything you enjoy doing together.

How do you handle disagreements?

Terri When you are young, you think you have to rush to solve problems. It is emotion-packed and high energy. As you age, you learn that nothing is an emergency. It is OK to put a pin in it and circle back to address it later. It’s OK to go to sleep angry as long as you solve things later. Being outside helps to diffuse the situation. We can be angry and still need to hike and walk dogs. You walk, you talk, you apologize and you problem-solve.

Doug How do I handle disagreements? Poorly, most of the time. Nowadays, we typically give space to one another, spend some time reflecting and then revisit. Sometimes, a good walk with the dogs in the fresh air can work wonders, even if there are not a lot of words spoken initially.

Can you give an example of a disagreement and how it was eventually resolved?

Terri We have reached a point where we don’t have major flares. There has been no need for conflict resolution beyond the daily ebb and flow.

In what ways would you say your relationship has evolved, and in what ways do you want to see it continue to evolve?

Terri Our biggest lesson came 13 years ago when our son died in a single-vehicle accident. We learned that we grieve separately, not as a couple. That taught me the importance of individuality and that we are individuals coming together in a partnership.

Doug Everything changed in an instant. We had to learn how to deal with that trauma, and we did it differently. We had a new definition of what it meant to do hard things. By remaining committed to one another, I believe we have been strengthened by each other.

Terri As we age, I see the importance of continuing to evolve. There’s a need to invest in something that takes you out of yourself. I just started a year-long photography course, and Doug started a new and challenging job. We need to be whole people who strive to be better versions of ourselves because neither one of us can bear the full weight of life alone. Every morning when I wake up, I choose to stay married. I choose him. I honestly like doing life with him, and I can’t imagine doing it without him. Life is hard, but he is smart, resourceful and so calm.