by Lisa Moody Breslin
Fall is always colorful.
But color is not limited to back-to-school fashions or the brilliance of the foliage; colorful language abounds as well, especially in the halls and around pockets of friends who gather on school grounds.
“When I taught, if students said ‘that sucks,’ I’d give them detention for using that language,” said Steve Johnson, Assistant Superintendent of Instruction for Carroll County Public Schools. “Now you hear it all the time. Language has devolved. There are different curse words now, and we have become more desensitized to them.”
Old favorites remain: hell, damn, sh#@. And the ultimate powerhouse f-word, so expertly flung roadside by Ralph in The Christmas Story, still makes the rounds.
“Kids, for most part are still respectful in the classroom,” said Johnson. “The more vulgar language is during down time. What’s unacceptable is when that language is directed at other kids or at teachers.”
“I sometimes do it as a joke, or if something is upsetting to me,” confesses Anders Madsen, who enters 8th grade at West Middle School this year. “I also cuss occasionally if I want to get my point across, mostly around my friends.”
And how does he feel after the curse words fly?
“Sometimes casual, sometimes empowered,” he explains.
Anders Madsen’s simple honest, explanation for when and how he curses mirrors many of the conclusions founded in research for decades.
“Swearing is like using the horn on your car, which can be used to signify a number of emotions (e.g. anger, frustration, joy, surprise),” explains Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts Professor Timothy Jay, in his article titled The Utility and Ubiquity of Taboo Words.
“Our control over swearing ranges from spontaneous forms (e.g. habitual epithets), over which we seem to have little control, to the reflexive forms (e.g., new obscene joke), where we take time to think about what to say,” Jay continues.
Years ago, when Westminster resident Fran Hanyok’s son, Matt, was 11, he asked for permission to say a bad word before letting it rip.
She gave him the green light.
He paused, took a deep breath and then said “Crap!” before rolling back into his video game.
Hanyok expected a word with a more powerful punch. After all, she confesses that she takes cursing to colorful levels daily.
“Where I have worked over the years curse words fly constantly,” Hanyok said. “If I didn’t curse or if I said ‘golly gee,’ someone would think something was seriously wrong with me. There is definitely a time and a place for cursing. Where I work is often the place.”
Johnson, who has three children of his own, stresses the importance of setting ground rules for what is acceptable and not acceptable, and if the rules are crossed following through with consequences.
“There are different expectations when grandma is in the house. We don’t use them then and we don’t listen to music that includes them,” he explained. “Using as expletive to show displeasure is one thing – but using one toward someone is unacceptable across the board.”
“I don’t curse hardly ever; if I get in car accident I would,” jokes Anders Madsen’s mother, Stephanie. “Anders has a sense of audience when he curses. Knowing he does [curse] does not bother me. The role of cursing has changed over the years, especially among friends.”
Madsen, a professor at McDaniel College whose research is linked to child development, explains, “As children grow older they start to orient more toward their peer group. What that group thinks about you is more important than what your parents think. So language shifts toward that audience. It’s called code switching.”
The role of cursing changes, but Madsen echoes Johnson’s point about cursing ground rules: “Not toward parents, or teachers or anyone in authority – that rule is the same.”
“I think what matters is we have to be honest with our children. They are hearing curse words in the mall, on television, everywhere,” said Hanyok. “We can’t wrap them up in a cocoon. We can set guidelines while they need them.”
When better words will do.
“My husband, Joe, and I speak German together. Rather than a curse word we are more likely to say ‘Oh Speisekarte,’ which is the German word for menu.” – Stephanie Madsen, McDaniel College
“I had a dream that I was in a car with a priest who wanted to cuss but he could not so I cussed for him. But when I cussed, I would sing the word. I woke up laughing. It was a funny strategy.” – Fran Hanyok, Westminster Resident
“When my five – year-old daughter blurted “shit” after dropping something on the floor, it dawned on me that if she had a word that was more fun, she would be more likely to use it. As a family, we started to use the phrase ‘shoot dagnabbit.’ It was hilarious to hear the little voices chiming ‘shoot daganbbit’ when something went wrong. We rarely heard “shit” again (from the children).” – Lisa Breslin, Editor
Masked cursing is always an option. Justin Bieber masters masked cursing in the melodious chorus of his recent song “Love Yourself”
‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself
